Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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