I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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