Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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