maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
