Tell her she can't have a vagina
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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