will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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