I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
