I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
