Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
