My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
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That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
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Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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