i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
