Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
