Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
