i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
