I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
