I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
