I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Pants are for mortals
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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