my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
