i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
