I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
