Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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