Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
