Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
