So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
