It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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