u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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