i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
