so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
