I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
