It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
