Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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