ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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