I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The uberlube is also flammable
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize