toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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