The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
