Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
