Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
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