I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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