I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
