i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
