Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
