Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
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My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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