Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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