Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
