Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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