i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
