I accidentally burped into my bong.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I smell like Dick and happiness
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
