You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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