Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
