i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
