I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
