So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
