Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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