remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
