neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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