Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize