Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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