Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
