I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
