love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
