Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Randomize
