You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i just sent this text using only my big toe
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
