I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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