Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Holy sore nipples Batman
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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