Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
