i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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