I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
sarcasm needs its own font
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
