"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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