I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
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