so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize