mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize