My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
