All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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