I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
my shit smells like andre
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
