would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
