we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
