My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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