theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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